My current career as an input to this reflection #

Pursuing a degree in Psychology for me has been a product of reflection itself. A reflection of a career in IT Security, of several companies, positions, skillsets, teams and seniority levels. A job in IT Security, and specifically in Penetration Testing (i.e “hacking” of company networks, websites, phone applications, IoT devices), was my dream job for several years. So, in order to properly create a reflection in a perceived unrelated future career, I believe I have to revisit my previous decision: my career in IT, to draw conclusions that might help me in the future planning and reasoning.

Why I have chosen to be a “hacker” #

I mentioned that IT Security was not just my job. It was my dream job and passion. It also happened to be my first and only job progression. So, to vaguely plan a career change means that something went wrong in the current one. that I failed to see an aspect of this career, that would eventually push me away from that profession. And to find out what I missed, I need to search for what pulled me in, in the first place.

1. Sense of Belonging #

Learning the skills of the “hacker” around 2014 was not simple. There were scarse resources online, no guidance from the BSc in Informatics (Computer Science) I was pursuing back then, and generally a veil of mystery around “hacking” as a topic of interest. It was considered “shady” and ethically ambivalent.

During this time, I was lucky enough to become part of a group, led by a respectful and father-figure mentor, that created a team, while leading us both technically and ethically to possess skills, that the IT market was heavily lacking at the time.

For me, the topic was hugely interesting, but I now see that what really moved me was the team spirit, the shared ethical code and generally - the sense of belonging that I felt in that team and with that mentor.

2. Relatedness to Psychology #

My interest in Psychology goes back to my teenage years. The Psychology degree in University of Athens was my first priority in the Entrance Exams, where I got rejected, as my mathematical background cost me several grades on the exam. I got accepted in the Informatics (Computer Science) degree of Athens University of Economics and Business instead.

“Hacking” does contain a lot of psychological aspects. This was the topic of my blog in IT Security - securosophy.com, where I publish articles since 2016, like Dating as a form of Penetration Testing, The Hassle Exploit, Thoughts on an “Obsessive Simulation of a Critical Procedure” and Red Team Ops Psychology: an Act in 4 Parts.

Specifically, “hacking” has an overlooked human aspect that has been greatly brought to light by the TV series “Mr. Robot”, released in 2015, exactly the same period I was actively developing my skills.

3. Creativeness #

Software Development has also been a passion for me. This is because programming requires minimal tools. Also, delivering impactful things is only a matter of time, inspiration and determination. Additionally, the process of trying, failing, fixing and trying again, has an addictive aspect (in a SkinnerBox way) that I was trained to appreciate through my Computer Science courses. Also, developing tools to present and provide to the team was very enjoyable and rewarding.

Why I would stop being a “hacker” #

Turns out that working as an IT Security Professional does not necessarily contain these three pillars that I had falsely merged with the idea of the “hacker”. Specifically, the “sense of belonging” in IT companies is more often missing than not for me. Using or acquiring Psychology knowledge to better do a task is not the case most of the time, as there rarely is any real interaction with people in such technical jobs. Lastly coding can develop to a moderate addiction, in order to fill the gap created by the previous two unmet needs, manifesting in an unhealthy relationship with work in general.

4. Impact on Society #

The final nail in the coffin for me has been my individual realization of what David Graeber put it as “Bullshit Job” (2013). I realized that my contribution of expertised and well-paid labour did not provide anything meaningful to society, and sometimes it could even be considered harmful. This helped me realize that a fourth pillar existed in my value system, which was the meaningful contribution to society. In a bleak way - I was more of “Bill” than “Elliot” in this Mr. Robot scene (McKay, 2015). And it has been straight up depressing.

My future carrier as a Psychologist #

Having visited this mini-reflection, I have the basic principles I need to plan new, more exciting and less foreseeable failures. The main goal of this reflection is to discover a way to put these four pillars to work. My current ideas of things I know I enjoy, and I would like to do on a weekly basis (and potentially make them my occupation) are two: giving lectures and providing psychotherapy. I find the combination of these two things a recipe for life satisfaction for me, and I will analyze them below:

Teaching #

Explaining things is especially close to my heart, as I love the feeling of watching someone getting from “not understanding” to “understanding”. I feel that, by having the opportunity to do lectures on a subject that I like (and probably about Psychology), it will simultaneously make me feel that I am having an impact on society and also keep me close to the science I admire. Additionally, I tend to hope that teaching will also give me a role in a group (the class), taking care of my need for belonging.

To be able to pursue such a career, I will need postgraduate studies. A concern I have with that, is my feeling of doubt for having stable performance through my studies. This is due to the fact that I quit my first degree in Informatics and that this could be more of a habit than something one off. This is not a totally irrational fear, as I indeed am enthusiastic about several extracurricular things at a time, and I start and stop them often.

Yet, to tackle this fear, I am also treating my current degree in Psychology as a test. Passing it and getting my BSc will provide me with a positive precedent, diminishing my fear of quitting and self-doubts.

Therapist #

I, myself, have been in therapy for 3 years. I have tried CBT and Gestalt. It has been the thing that led me to decide my endeavor in Psychology. For this I believe that a therapist is a very meaningful profession, that can have an impact on society, as I have seen it having impact on me (a small part of society).

The reason I feel that becoming a therapist will suit me is my need for real connection with people. I rarely do small-talk and I have a tendency for very deep communication within my circles, transparently sharing feelings, listening curiously to each other’s stories and respectfully sharing our perspectives. I enjoy deeply this kind of communication and I feel that it is close to what is needed by a therapist.

Additionally, my creative and tech-savvy self can get involved as well, as I recently found out the world of Electroencephalography (EEG), by buying a market EEG device (MuseTM EEG-Powered Meditation & Sleep Headband, 2024). I created code for several parts of a pipeline that connects the EEG device with Neurofeedback Software (Torakis 2024; Neuromore Studio, 2024), allowing development of Neurofeedback protocols. Using my coding skills to provide assistance to people as a therapist is something that excites me so much that I cannot even put it into words.

What bothers me with becoming a therapist is a fear of having low tolerance against some personality traits. Specifically, I am very easily irritated by people when they give the impression that they “don’t want to try” fixing a known problem. Interacting with people at such times irritates me on a deep level, and I have even caught myself having feelings of condemnation. I am sure this can be very harmful in therapy, as it is expected that such attitudes are common in a place where one is allowed to express fear of change, remorse and even pure laziness. So, to become a therapist, I will need to work on this judgmental part of myself, through my own therapy first.

Finally, the psychotherapeutic approach I am going to follow is not clear to me by now. Gestalt has helped me a lot, and I feel strongly about the part of observing the body, as I feel it has a lot to “say” in talking therapies. I do believe that many of our unconscious movements can provide information about what is happening inside us at any given time.

Conclusion #

Through this reflection, I visited my -now clear- previous motivations and planned my next steps in sync with them. I pinpointed concerns and located sources of life satisfaction and pure joy. It is through this reflection that I feel assured that I am taking well-informed decisions about my career path and goals.

References #